The Dominican Republic.
Why?
Why not?
The goal is to walk the streets and meet
the folks of every nation. To land and explore
far and wide.
Unfortunately, I have to say that this trip was a slight disappointment.
Not due to the Dominicans of course. It was my fault.
My girlfriend repeatedly suggested we stay off the beaten path.
She opined the surfing hostels represented a much more interesting
accommodation option. But I was blinded by price and privacy
considerations. Not a fan of camping, I figured a resort would provide
the local experience, without sacrificing a hot shower and comfortable
bed. She tried explaining the surf place was not a hostel in
the traditional sense. That we'd have our own space and facilities.
I didn't listen. And we "paid" for my obstinateness.
A resort is kinda for losers. It's the lazy and fearful way to visit
a country. Our resort was a buffer to the real Dominican Republic
experience. Done over, I would have heeded her advice and stayed
amongst the locals.
What I perceived as a "plus" of booking an all-inclusive
resort was that food and alcohol were included.
Thus, conceivably one could eat and drink without
spending additional money. However, there was a catch.
Each day, we marvelled at the resort's food preparation.
They had to feed a few hundred people three times
per day. It was fascinating to see food transform
over the course of several days. The same meat and vegetables
were first presented as steamed, then boiled, then fried.
I never rose early for breakfast, but my girlfriend swears
one morning a platter of rotten bananas was available
for consumption. Fantastic.
Our resort stay had only one true benefit.
After years of confusion and frustration, I've finally
found my true calling. A vocation that is both rewarding
and fulfilling. International Bikini Contest Judge.
At the urging of my girlfriend, I judged my first bikini contest.
I don't know if it pays anything more than free drinks, but
I'm ready to embark on this exciting career path.
While no doubt exhilarating, it was also serious business.
At first, I opted to give each participant a 10.
In my eyes (wide open), they were all winners for simply
participating.
But as the contest dragged on and the alcohol
kicked in, I quickly abandoned that strategy. Pulling a judge from
his chair to dirty dance? Points deducted for trying to influence a judge (and not
choosing me to dirty dance with). Dancing on the judges' table? Points
deducted for spilling my fellow judge's beer.
In the end though, the winner
was ultimately decided by the horny resort employee MC'ing the contest.
He definitely chose the girl he thought he could score with later.
Go to the Dominican Republic.
Do - learn spanish.
Don't - stay at a resort.
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